I sometimes feel like my table as seen through a glass. All my marks show, even the ones that should have been sanded smooth a long time ago.
Marvia Davidson has prompted us to write about authenticity today. That seems like something I’d like to talk about. After all, my word of the year is “true,” so that goes right along with it.
So I set out to make a list of things that are true about me, but I only got to three.
Who am I? I am…
…an idealist. I worry a lot, and critique a lot, but that’s because I see in possibilities. I see how good things could be. If only. Maybe. Hopefully.
…an information sponge. I’m incurably curious. In personality tests, I test as intuitive, but I feel like I’m cheating. I’m not sure it’s so much intuition as it is an abundance of information lurking in my brain. It just looks like intuition because I easily see connections and patterns, and I’ve already followed them down the rabbit hole while others are still defining the problem. Or maybe that’s really what all intuition is – gut feelings based on experience and knowledge.
…efficient. A coworker once told me that I get more done in one hour than most people get done all day. I teased that he should mention that in front of people who could give me a raise (kidding/not kidding), but I was happy that he noticed. I like that I can finish tasks quickly, and it frustrates me when I can’t. I frustrates me when my marks show.
Some things can’t be rushed.
I looked back this morning at goals I’ve set in the past. I found my New Years Resolutions from January 2013. They were interesting:
- Stop being such a jerk (it was after an election year. I have opinions and can sometimes be mean about them).
- Stop participating in Facebook drama (see #1, with the special note that opposing racism and misogyny does not count as drama. Drama is useless; speaking up is important.).
- Stop the compulsion to fill up every minute.
- Stop saying “Yes” just because I can’t think of a good reason to say “No.”
- Stop making excuses.
At the end of the year, I marveled at how far I still had left to go. Three years later, I see progress, but I still marvel at how far I have left to go.
Being who I am is easy. It didn’t used to be. I used to get so wound up about it. I don’t get so wound up anymore. Thank you, 40s (younger friends – it gets better).
Becoming who I want to become is s.l.o.w.
I make plans for a year and work on them for five. This offends my efficiency. It also allows for more in-depth information-gathering.
I am both-and, not either-or.