In many ways, this month is going exactly as I had planned. I am finding workable ways to become less sedentary. I am having fun with it. I even had a good time at the grocery store. Dance is a regular part of my life again.
In some ways, though, it’s been hard. Of course, it’s always a challenge to change a habit or add a new one. It’s been more humbling than I expected. It’s disheartening to experience how out-of-shape I am when I try to reintroduce things that I used to do all the time.
Friday was all of those things.
The theme of the dance party this week was music from my childhood. I put on my Girl Child of the 80s mix on Spotify, and I prepared to be transported back to the days when my sister, our neighbor Ginger, and I would choreograph dances to our favorite songs. We would even videotape ourselves and force our parents to watch them (you’re welcome, Mom and Dad). We had a few routines, but mostly, it was freestyle.
Friday’s dance party lasted about ten minutes. 80s music is exhausting, particularly when a person tries to do the same routine for Material Girl she used to do when she was in junior high as if she’s still that skinny and energetic.
Now, I don’t expect at 39 to have the same energy that I had at 13. I did expect to make it through the song, though.
Most of the time, I find these moments motivating. Recognizing my current limit just gives me a starting point for gauging progress.
But this week was rough. I wasn’t looking for a starting point. I was looking to have a little fun and then go on with my evening. Instead, I got exhausted, frustrated and pouty. I quit, stretched a little, had a glass of wine, and went to bed early. I regret nothing.
Well, except maybe the cultivation of a lifestyle that makes it impossible for me to get through a simple dance routine. Maybe I regret that a little. I’m sure in a few months, when I’m in better shape and I am able to make it through multiple songs, or maybe even in a few days when I am surprised to find something less difficult than I thought it would be, I will look back on this day and be able to extend grace to myself.
Right now, though, I’m just discouraged.