Isn’t this a pretty picture? Insert fella to sit here with. Also, RIP, Spats.
In keeping with my word for the year – true – and meeting resolutions, I’m doing pretty well. New job? Check. New place to live? Check (in June). There are many ways I’m making my life truer to who I am and where I want to go.
I can’t help but notice something else on that list of twenty things I’d like to do this year. Go on a date.
I have not had a proper date in…I don’t even remember when.
If I were design the perfect guy to sit on that porch with (because that’s how it works, right? You just put in your order?), he would have these five characteristics:
1. Charming – When I tell people I like charming men, they think Neal Caffrey on White Collar. But really? What I find most attractive about Neal is that he looks like Matt Bomer and dresses like a member of the Rat Pack. I don’t mean pleasantry designed to get you what you want. Not smarmy pseudo-niceness. If it has an easy on-off switch, it’s not charm – it’s manipulation.
When I think of charm, I think of people like Finch on Person of Interest.
Or Marshall on Alias.
Or Wash on Firefly. Or, for the most part, Xander on Buffy.
These characters have many differences, but the thing they have in common is that they say and do things that are 1) ADORABLE and 2) genuinely delightful. They’re not afraid to get excited about things, and they often go out of their way to be pleasant. When they give you a compliment, you know it’s sincere, because their only agenda is to encourage you (see every speech Xander ever gave. I mean – “You’re not special; you’re extraordinary.” That’s just a good friend.). And if you mention that they’re kind, they tend to brush it off. They’re not even looking for credit. They get blushy and nervous, and that’s charming, too.
2. Witty – I like funny people, and I find a lot of different things funny. Give me someone who can deliver a one-liner with panache, and I’m hooked. I want someone who makes me laugh so hard I cry. And they need to find me just as funny, because I’m a riot. Recognize.
3. Veering near the very liberal side of Christian – I’ve heard that it’s easier to make a life with someone who is going the same direction you are. This preference is more pertinent to a potentially long-term relationship than an afternoon coffee date (which technically, is all that this resolution requires, so that’s as far as my current commitment goes). But as long as I’m designing a dream guy, I might as well throw this in.
4. Musician – First, I get music. That alone would be enough. But musicians – particularly those who study music seriously or perform professionally – tend to have this particular kind of persnicketyness that I enjoy. I like the way their minds work. It’s mathematical in its precision. Also…music.
5. Ambivert – I have often said that I need to match with an extrovert, because if I’m with an introvert, we’ll pretty much never leave the house. Forget that you knew us – you’ll never see us again.
But I think I would prefer an ambivert. Someone who is extroverted enough that they need to be social on a regular basis for their sanity but also who is introverted enough that they’re ready to leave the party when I am (or within a half and hour of when I am. I can be reasonable…ish.). Someone who will encourage me to try new things and will gently pressure me to go dancing because they know I love it once I actually get there, but also will totally give in when I, with wild eyes that just cannot take any more socializing that day, say, “Let’s skip it, order a pizza, and binge-watch West Wing.” Give me someone who says yes to that.
So if you know this guy (and he’s single – because I do not share – and oriented toward the ladies – because I’d like to be his preference, too), send him along!